In a coma

My very best friend has fallen into a coma two month ago. I don't visit him. And even though I know he can hear me I don't talk to him. I am scared of visiting him actually. Because in fact I am the reason why he is in that state at the first place. And I am still giving him daily the posion that keeps him in his coma. Life has been very gray since that day. Everything feels so meaningless. I spent every moment with him these last months. He brings light, joy and passion to my life and is able to put his full heart into the world. I enjoy the loud and quite moments with him. The stressful and relaxend ones. Moments completely alone and those surrounded by a lot of people.

The worst part is knowing I have the power to get him out of there. In order to do so, I would have to stop living the way I do know. At first it will be maybe painfull, because I am used to get fake joy in an instant. And exactly that pain is what I want to avoid.

No, no I can't think that way. I have to do that. Not just for him, but for me and everyone in my life. I want to see the sun again. No matter how hard it will be at first.

Kariem, I hope you get up soon my dear friend. I can't wait to live with you again.

P.S. If you didn't getit. This is the short-term -pleasure-seeking part of me talking to the part of me I value the most.